I'm feeling kind of .... wierd lately. I don't know if anyone can actually sympathize with me or not. I think I am entering a state of despression, and I am unsure if my friends can make me feel better. I mean, they're all happy because they have these amazing and exciting lives they're living. New friends, new places to live, and they have amazing stories hiding in their back pockets.
I feel as if I have taken one ginormous step backwards. I was finally doing something with my life! I was the furthest from home out of all the children. I was the one that made my brother and sisters jealous because I had a goal and I was taking steps to achieving it! Now I'm at home sleeping in until noon and wearing my pyjamas all the time. I'm doing nothing! I'm at home and lonely.. eating junk food and wondering when the hell my school is finally going to shape up and let us come back! I don't want to feel lazy and unacheived anymore. I need pressure.. I need to have a purpose! I hate this I really do.
I'm sorry for whineing at you guys.
I'm all worried money wise too. I'm paying for my family to eat out of my credit card. And soon I won't have money to buy Christmas gifts, or to even pay for my Sponsor Child down in the Dominicon Republic. I don't want to have bad credit at 18 years old. Uh uh.
I need a job. But I can't get one because I have no idea when I will go back to school. And Toronto is not hiring an unexperienced student. unless they want me to make coffee.
On to other things...
I'm going to try to write tonight, but I'm feeling really bummed at the moment, so my chapters would probably come out all depressing. I'd make you all sad. Haha. I'd kill off Bella or something stupid like that.
Hey, I could write some poetry... haha
I haven't written poetry in over a year. And when I do, its always dark and depressing stuff. Perfect for tonight. Anywho. Have a good night to all of you.
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